Profile of a Predator
Human Predator – Human Prey – Map of the Battlefield
By: Michelle Manu, JD, BMsc
“A complex or stratified human society can be thought of as an ecosystem. Within it, humans (all a single species), because of their differing social classes, roles, and occupations, can act, in effect, as different species. To the extent that some exploit others, we could say that some act as “predators,” others as “prey.” There may even be human analogues to subcategories of predatory behavior such as parasitism and infection.” –Richard Heinberg
Human predators are all around us. They are bullies, outwardly charming and seductive and secretly manipulative. Their lies, risk-taking, manipulation, and rage ruin lives and imprint lasting trauma upon their prey. There are many kinds of predators; emotional, sexual, social, financial, reputational, and more. While some predators do not violate the official written law, all violate moral law.
Predators have emotional intelligence and cognitive intellect to master disguises as chameleons. This helps them to hone their hunting skills, and with each successful attempt, predators evolve to depths of multi-layered conquests. One thing all predators have in common is that they experience gratifying emotional payoffs when they successfully manipulate their prey’s emotions, relationships, and tangible or intangible resources. Predators differ from psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists. These are similar but different types of monsters.
Scoping up, America has historically always portrayed a bad guy or a Boogieman ‘out there’, threatening its very sovereignty. It polarizes, distrusts, and heavily arms itself against other countries. This way of life seeps into our collective culture birthing extreme and violent divisive social and racial rifts. On a personal level, most are incapable of peacefully ending a relationship by wishing the other well and walking on without blaming. Why does there always have to be someone to blame outside of ourselves? We must use our emotional intelligence when evaluating what is really going on and what should we do – if anything at all. When it comes to predators, though, we must act, heavily arm ourselves with tools, and commit to protective actions. Predators are very real bad guys (and girls) that threaten our personal sovereignty, peace, safety, and desired fulfillment in life.
As predators continue to get away with their acts, they learn the best ways to deflect others from discovering their secret agenda. They enjoy the lack of accountability as their mission progresses. They devise different sets of values for prey and life. They can speak convincingly about socially approved ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’ yet have no issues planning and committing their socially condemned behavior. They even cunningly find a way to insert themselves into environments of those they wish to victimize.
We are involuntary participants. I don’t think any of us knowingly signs up to be prey. Predators dupe us through developing a foundation of trust. They incrementally position through boundary-probing and studying the prey’s personality, belief systems, character, and routine. As the predator studies you, you unknowingly give inside information that allows the predator to manipulate the relationship into inappropriate places where the prey will unconsciously walk into the trap. Eventually the prey’s inner spirit starts to sound the alarm as s/he gets small glimpses of an imbalance and other behaviors involving sex, money, power, or the predator’s thrill of causing confusion, inflicting emotional harm, and mere pleasure of being able to affect his/her prey.
An emotional predator will confide his/her experiences and emotions (fabricated or not) to cultivate a false similarity with the prey. This similarity disarms the prey and makes him/her feel grateful that s/he has finally found someone that knows how s/he feels and can relate on a deeper level. In most cases, the predator isn’t trying to gain understanding. The predator is trying to gain character assassination ammunition. S/he hunts and gathers sensitive, personal, or embarrassing information to later use against the prey through bullying or blackmail to discredit his/her prey’s reputation and cause public shame and humiliation. Predators use delay tactics to lure and cause de-stabilization of their prey. This is particularly true when the desired prey holds a position of public prestige.
Part of the agenda is to immediately create an uneven playing field without the targeted person noticing. Predators will usually never share scandalous or embarrassing stories that could be used against them. But they will share many stories, in detail, that cannot be corroborated. To contrast a sexual predator to a social predator, the sexual predator will attempt to be more vigilant and exacting because the discovery and exposure of the sexual predator’s behavior would be far more publicly and criminally severe than a social predator.
Some Characteristics of a Predator
▪ Anyone Who Seems Too Perfect, Is. Predators usually hide their dark side until they get their target person deeply involved. Flattery, feigned kindness, on and off suffocation, and cracks in outrageous stories should provide clues and put you on your guard.
▪ Attentive. The predator begins the mission to cause dependency by his/her prey. Through kind calls, supportive texts, and messages like “I’m worried about you” “I care about you”, the prey begins to feel cared for, loved, and respected through the predator’s focus and regular attention.
▪ Be Careful of Props. The winning smile, the promises, the fast talk, the intense care and concern, and the gifts meant to distract you from the manipulation that may be occurring. “Any of these characteristics can have enormous sleight-of-hand value, serving to distract you.” – Robert Hare
▪ Blend. Predators don’t always stand out in a creepy way. Most do not stand out at all. They blend well and with a purpose.
▪ Boasts About Conquests. A predator might boast of his/her conquests.
▪ Deception. Predators are often extremely intelligent, charismatic, talented, and trusted. Even people who know them well cannot conceive that they are capable of exploiting others in any way.
▪ Manipulation. The predator will usually begin to mock, bully, and gaslight at the same time s/he will begin to lie, twist information, make the prey feel like s/he is the bad person, state how hurt the predator is, and that s/he doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment. After all, the predator has been so good to the prey. Usually the prey is emotionally exhausted and stressed that s/he will relent to the predator. This only further proves that the predator can control and manipulate the prey without any fear that the prey may challenge the predator. The slow drowning continues.
▪ No Conscience. Predators can usually compartmentalize and shut off any fear of accountability or consequences. They have no regard for emotional, physical, or other damage they might inflict. In fact, in most instances, this is completely normal behavior.
▪ Normal Behavior. Speaking of normal behavior, after the cycle of manipulative abuse begins and the honeymoon period is over, the prey hopefully starts to become aware of the behavioral patterns.
▪ Power and Control. Predators try to and can position themselves to wield a lot of control and power.
▪ Predator Plays Victim. They will use coercive control to get the prey to play the game of Cat and Mouse and will always blame the prey for what goes wrong; or if the prey refuses, the predator will manipulate him/her in whatever way s/he feels is necessary to teach the prey a lesson and/or try to again to get what the predator wants.
▪ Self-Image. A predator’s self-image is derived and continually reinforced by the predator’s ability to dominate others.
▪ Uniqueness. A predator believes that s/he has the right to act on his/her own set of rules because s/he is different – physically, psychologically, and experientially – than everyone else. Because of this, s/he will decide what is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’.
Animal Predator-Animal Prey
It is said that the lion’s work hours are only when he is hungry. Unlike the lion, the human predator never takes a break. There is no living in peace with prey until the predator is hungry again.
Like animals, humans do have ways of defending themselves. In the animal world, this is how they are aware of, avoid, or defend themselves in the face of predation:
| Survival Behavior | Animal Kingdom | Human Kingdom |
| Alarm Calls | Alarm calls give warning of an attack | Use your voice. Speak to trusted loved ones about what is happening. |
| Autotomy | Self-amputation or voluntary sacrifice of an appendage, such as a tail | You block the knife and your arm gets cut versus a full lunge into your gut. You will get hurt, physically or otherwise. How and when you respond will determine to what severity. Fight! Maneuver. IT IS NOT OVER TILL IT IS OVER. |
| Crepuscular | Active at dawn and dusk | Change your daily routine. Be spontaneous. Do not be so forthcoming. |
| Cryptic | Concealed or camouflaged | Our face to the world, our public persona. Do not be so forthcoming. |
| Fitness | Showing superior fitness to convey this will not be an easy acquisition | see Cryptic above. |
| Gustation | Sense of taste | Use of Pepper Spray or any like type of self-defense tool. |
| Honest Signals | Signals that cannot be deceptively produced and therefore provide reliable information about an individual’s intent | Believe what you feel about the predator. You are not overreacting. |
| Improved Vigilance | Predator success always depends on surprise | Be aware! Remain calm. Counter the predator’s attempts. |
| Mobbing | Crowding or attacking as a group | Your close friends and family help support you. Listen and trust them. |
| Olfaction | Sense of smell | Use of Pepper Spray or any like type of self-defense tool. Use all your senses for safety. |
| Sentries | Animals stationed to watch for potential dangers | Close family and friends provide this for us. We need to listen and not minimize how they are trying to help protect us. It is okay to need others. |
| Stotting | A springing or bouncing gait used by herd animals when chased by predators | Surprise the predator. Flee! Get to mental, physical, and emotional safety! |
What Do We Do Now?
▪ Remember that this experience is not your fault.
▪ Remember that predators are very in-tune to any subtle changes in the prey’s demeanor, tone, schedule, habits, and friendships. Predators will know if something has changed in any degree or dynamic.
▪ Remember that freedom from this enslavement is your birthright. But you must declare this to yourself and stand firm in voice (inner and outer) and in your actions. If you want to survive, there can be no deviation.
▪ Be consistent, be strong, and cut off all communication with the predator and any other actors s/he has brought into your life. Sadly, this does often include children or animals.
▪ Take regular self-defense classes that are rooted in survival, not the “know about” hypothetical. Regular hands-on training is necessary. “I understand that if I wish to survive a violent event, I might have to get violent.”
▪ “A good girl would react like this…” Fully purge yourself of the pervasive “Be a good girl” belief. Men, please purge yourself of the pervasive “You’re a punk” if you find yourself in a predatory situation.
▪ Participate in regular firearm safety and training. In the meantime, buy and learn a stun gun, taser, and slingshot.
▪ See trusted friends and family more. Do not isolate. Increase your connection to those who love and care about you.
▪ Write and exercise more. Increase self-love. Protection is self-love.
Predator Protection Plan
▪ Make sure that you have a Predator Protection Plan in place. This is non-negotiable to your survival and should be reviewed and adjusted on a regular basis. Support from your loved ones is essential. It will be difficult, but they really need you to disclose the reality of your experience, including what has and what is taking place. This helps them to understand how much they are needed.
▪ Animals evade predators through behavioral postures and movements, as we see in the above chart. A Predator Protection Plan is when prey adopts similar behavioral postures and movements. Declare to yourself that you will not be intimidated and will fight back, even if this is through steadfast silence. Some prey exhibit superior physical fitness to ward off an attack, while others flee, play dead, quickly respond and surprise the predator, exude foul tasting or toxic compounds, and make noises and even sacrifice non-essential body parts to survive the attack. You will choose the right response. Trust how your inner spirit is leading you. You got this.
▪ Do not blame yourself for unknowingly getting involved or associated with a predator. But once your inner spirit sounds the alarm, it is now time to jump into protective action, whatever you decide the action should be.
▪ You might be vulnerable within your blind spots. Predators know how to find and use your triggers, so the more you realize what you tend to fall for or pooh-pooh away, the more closely you can recognize what is happening and how to guard against it.
▪ Seek immediate professional help and emotional support while you navigate through and cut all ties with the predator. You may need help by legal professionals or law enforcement. You may have to file a police report and seek a restraining order.
▪ Make sure to keep all communications with the predator as evidence, just in case. ▪ Have your home security reviewed and upgraded.
▪ Change your technology passwords.
▪ Change your home locks.
▪ Let your employer know if you feel it is at that point.
▪ Be vigilantly aware, with all your senses, of your surroundings at all times even when you are with a group of people.
▪ You are worth it. Invest in your survival.
▪ Add anything else to your custom Predator Protection Plan that you feel will be helpful.
▪ Make a monthly calendar appointment to review and update your Predator Protection Plan and evaluate your present relationships.
Survival of The Prey
Recently I had an encounter with a sexual predator who has been hiding in plain sight. Sexual predators masquerade in many environments, some successfully do this as experts and industry-leading mentors, leaders, and teachers. My experience was with one of these types of predators; unbeknownst to me, he felt he was entitled to cross, manipulate, and redraw the professional boundary line.
I heard “I’m hurt” when his advances were met with my simple “No”. This is considered a form of Woofing, a technique to slyly induce sympathy from one’s prey in hopes to get the prey to become compliant.
He tried to normalize his behavior. He first implied, acted like, and then had to ask if something was wrong with me and if we could talk about it. We do not owe predators anything, including discussions that will only give them insight of how their cruel trap has failed.
Like in physical self-defense, there is no one fail-safe or ‘right’ way to handle an experience. Please never let ANYONE ever blame or shame you for falling, partially or fully, into a predator’s trap. Even the most world’s foremost experts on predatory behaviors can still be duped by a predator in short interactions. Putting this together, it was truly heartbreaking to see that those that did respond to the public call for experiences had a difficult time choosing just one experience to share. I would guess that this goes for many of you reading this, myself included.
May these testimonies help you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Thank you to these courageous men and women who shared in hopes to impact and empower others. You know who you are.
Responses to the following questions are in italics.
Woman Survivor No. 1 (Significant Other/Woman)
1. What sex was the predator you had this experience with? Female.
2. How old were you when you had this experience? 46.
3. Was the predator’s behavior social, vocational, repetitional, financial, or sexual? Domestic Violence, Social, Financial and Reputational.
4. Describe some of the qualities or behaviors this predator had and used while preying on you? She portrayed herself to be an innocent old high school friend who had always had a crush on me and came knocking on my door one day.
5. Did this predator earn your trust? If so, how did s/he do it? She portrayed herself to be an innocent old high school friend who had always had a crush on me and came knocking on my door one day.
6. While this predator earned your trust, how did s/he dupe you into his/her plan? She earned my trust by pretending to be a loyal partner and promising a future. She also used sex as a tool. 7. When did you begin to become aware that this predator is not who s/he presented him/herself to be? She moved in and claimed she had nowhere else to go and would be on the street if I ended the relationship.
8. When did you begin to maneuver and change your habits and communication with the predator? When she pulled a butcher knife on me in the kitchen to scare and threaten me. I asked advice to be in a public place in order to end the relationship. It didn’t help because she was a violent stalker.
9. Did this predator manipulate and gain private, sensitive, and embarrassing information about you (possibly breaking your confidence) and attempt to use it against you to continue the friendship or relationship? Yes, she threatened my professional reputation and personal friendships.
10. Was the predator a trusted family member, mentor, leader, or teacher in your life and community? Significant Other.
11. Did the predator seem to be too perfect? No, she was not perfect, but she manipulated me by pretending to be helpless and wanted my support.
12. Was the predator very attentive and charming or sweet? Yes, she was sweet as pie at first.
13. Most predators blend well, they are unsuspecting. Did the predator blend or was s/he creepy or scary? She looks just like the rest of us and is living in New Jersey with another woman now.
14. Did the predator boast about other preying conquests to you or others? She boasted about the favors her past partner did for her.
15. Was the predatory cunning or highly intelligent – emotionally and/or cognitively? She was smart as a whip…but more street smart than book smart.
16. Did it seem like the predator had a conscience? No, she did not have any conscious of the horrific things she did to me or others.
17. Did the predator act like, present him/herself, believe or even say s/he was unique and special? Yes, she proclaimed she was special and talented.
18. How did you save yourself if you were able to? I had to break up with her on the phone and go to a restaurant to be with others. It didn’t help. She stalked me, violently attacked me from behind (coward that she was) and I had to call the police and file a restraining order to keep her away.
19. What have you done since this experience that has helped with the trauma of being hunted? I signed up for domestic violence counseling so I could identify the behavior and I cut all contact with her and her new partner (god help her).
20. What else do you think you could do for your healing concerning this experience? I do not have any contact with this person at all. She has tried. I will also not glorify her abuse because she would LOVE that, being the narcissist sociopath that she is. I have to keep a watchful eye when on Lesbian sights because I would not run it past her to show up and play games or twist the story around to her benefit.
21. Is there anything else you would like to say? Because she was an old high school friend, I trusted her more than I should have. This is a mistake I will never make again. Fortunately, I can see the behavior right away and avoid it. I can also see the behavior in others and have felt concern for friends who I can see are in current abusive relationship.
Woman Survivor No. 2 (Co-worker/Man)
1. What sex was the predator you had this experience with? Male.
2. How old were you when you had this experience? 32.
3. Was the predator’s behavior social, vocational, repetitional, financial, or sexual? Vocational and sexual.
4. Describe some of the qualities or behaviors this predator had and used while preying on you? He was a Producer who partnered with me on an entrepreneurial venture who used his clout to be a sexual predator.
5. Did this predator earn your trust? If so, how did s/he do it? Yes, he earned my trust by first doing his job to secure partners in our business venture.
6. While this predator earned your trust, how did s/he dupe you into his/her plan? Yes, he earned my trust by first doing his job to secure partners in our business venture.
7. When did you begin to become aware that this predator is not who s/he presented him/herself to be? He began dropping hints that he was a swinger and wanted me to just accompany him to his play parties. Then he would talk almost all day about sex.
8. When did you begin to maneuver and change your habits and communication with the predator? When he signed me up to attend a swingers’ party with him without my permission.
9. Did this predator manipulate and gain private, sensitive, and embarrassing information about you (possibly breaking your confidence) and attempt to use it against you to continue the friendship or relationship? I had to basically tell him off and end the business venture, costing time and money but saving myself. He tried to pry and manipulate but I did not let him.
10. Was the predator a trusted family member, mentor, leader, or teacher in your life and community? He was a colleague with an esteemed reputation in our entertainment industry, a lot like Harvey Weinstein.
11. Did the predator seem to be too perfect? Yes, he portrayed himself to be a mild mannered professional.
12. Was the predator very attentive and charming or sweet? Yes, he was very sweet at first until I would not give him what he wanted, which was sex and attending group sex parties.
13. Most predators blend well, they are unsuspecting. Did the predator blend or was s/he creepy or scary? He blended.
14. Did the predator boast about other preying conquests to you or others? Yes, he boasted that other women were in line to give him what he wanted if I would not.
15. Was the predator cunning or highly intelligent – emotionally and/or cognitively? He was very intelligent and professionally talented.
16. Did it seem like the predator had a conscience? It did seem he had a conscience at first.
17. Did the predator act like, present him/herself, believe or even say s/he was unique and special? No, he portrayed himself to be just another industry professional.
18. How did you save yourself if you were able to? I had to end the project, stop all contact, and tell him that if he did anything to harm my life or profession, I would report him to authorities. This was enough for him to leave me alone. I reported the conduct to our work peers to help others avoid this disgusting predatory human.
19. What have you done since this experience that has helped with the trauma of being hunted? I am more careful with business ventures and selective with people that I work with.
20. What else do you think you could do for your healing concerning this experience? I feel I have done it by seeking professional therapy and avoiding red flags.
21. Is there anything else you would like to say? People in the entertainment industry need to be called out for this behavior. Silence is a killer. I would be a witness if called to.
Male Survivor No. 1 (Family Member/Man)
1. What sex was the predator you had this experience with? Male.
2. How old were you when you had this experience? 11 or 12 until 14.
3. Was the predator’s behavior social, vocational, repetitional, financial, or sexual? Social and reputational.
4. Describe some of the qualities or behaviors this predator had and used while preying on you? He used our family relationship and the fact that I looked up to him. He acted like he was teaching me how to be a man.
5. Did this predator earn your trust? If so, how did s/he do it? He was stronger and bigger. I looked up to him.
6. While this predator earned your trust, how did s/he dupe you into his/her plan? When I was in my 20s.
7. When did you begin to become aware that this predator is not who s/he presented him/herself to be? Around age 35 when I started getting professional help.
8. When did you begin to maneuver and change your habits and communication with the predator? After I was too old and stronger than him so he couldn’t molest me he began to seduce any female that I was interested in or dating. After he had sex with them, he would talk to me about how to be a real man so women wouldn’t cheat on me.
9. Did this predator manipulate and gain private, sensitive, and embarrassing information about you (possibly breaking your confidence) and attempt to use it against you to continue the friendship or relationship? [No response.]
10. Was the predator a trusted family member, mentor, leader, or teacher in your life and community? Family member.
11. Did the predator seem to be too perfect? Yes. He is the most loved and respected in the family.
12. Was the predator very attentive and charming or sweet? He was very charismatic.
13. Most predators blend well, they are unsuspecting. Did the predator blend or was s/he creepy or scary? He blended well but has a very creepy side.
14. Did the predator boast about other preying conquests to you or others? He boasted about seducing women who were married or involved.
15. Was the predatory cunning or highly intelligent – emotionally and/or cognitively? Very intelligent and good at math and mechanics. I always thought he was capable of learning anything.
16. Did it seem like the predator had a conscience? [No response.]
17. Did the predator act like, present him/herself, believe or even say s/he was unique and special? Very. He always thought he was better than anyone else.
18. How did you save yourself if you were able to? I learned martial arts and had an amazing teacher (deceased now) who taught me how to be a strong, compassionate, safe man.
19. What have you done since this experience that has helped with the trauma of being hunted? I have learned all I can about sociopathy. Fine to counseling. Educated myself so that I can educate others about what these people are like and how they behave. I’ve learned to love me.
20. What else do you think you could do for your healing concerning this experience? Continue to deepen the realization that just because I was victimized then does not mean I am a victim now.
21. Is there anything else you would like to say? Thank you for all you are doing to support and empower people.
Woman Survivor No. 3 (Supervisor/Man)
1. What sex was the predator you had this experience with? Male.
2. How old were you when you had this experience? 24.
3. Was the predator’s behavior social, vocational, repetitional, financial, or sexual? Sexual in vocational environment.
4. Describe some of the qualities or behaviors this predator had and used while preying on you? Supportive, trusting, calm, always in control.
5. Did this predator earn your trust? If so, how did s/he do it? Yes, while working at trial, we relied on each other for witness and evidence handling.
6. While this predator earned your trust, how did s/he dupe you into his/her plan? With the last older expert witness to be sent off in the cab, I returned to my coffee, finished it, and planned to get back to the hotel and catch my flight home.
7. When did you begin to become aware that this predator is not who s/he presented him/herself to be? The next morning. Instead of making it home to my husband and young child, I awoke in his hotel room, alone, with my bags there. I had so many questions. What happened? Why am I in his room? How did my bags get here? What happened to my flight? Did anyone call my husband who was picking me up at the airport?
8. When did you begin to maneuver and change your habits and communication with the predator? Immediately. He acted as if everything was normal. He told me that I drank a lot of alcohol and asked for him to change my flight home. He touted that he cared for me and had some funny and embarrassing stories. I knew something was wrong when I got in the shower. I had physical markings at cuts in my private parts.
9. Did this predator manipulate and gain private, sensitive, and embarrassing information about you (possibly breaking your confidence) and attempt to use it against you to continue the friendship or relationship? Not that I am aware of.
10. Was the predator a trusted family member, mentor, leader, or teacher in your life and community? Trusted colleague and supervising attorney for a large and high-profile federal trial. 11. Did the predator seem to be too perfect? Not really. He was just arrogant about everything. I would have never imagined he would have been capable of something like this.
12. Was the predator very attentive and charming or sweet? Charming for sure. Funny yet offensive. Just him. Everyone liked him.
13. Most predators blend well, they are unsuspecting. Did the predator blend or was s/he creepy or scary? Blended very well.
14. Did the predator boast about other preying conquests to you or others? Not to me.
15. Was the predatory cunning or highly intelligent – emotionally and/or cognitively? Highly developed in both areas.
16. Did it seem like the predator had a conscience? I’m not sure. It seems like this was normal behavior to him.
17. Did the predator act like, present him/herself, believe or even say s/he was unique and special? In every way. He carried himself very confidently.
18. How did you save yourself if you were able to? The event occurred. I didn’t save myself. It all happened so fast and he drugged me.
19. What have you done since this experience that has helped with the trauma of being hunted? I reported this to the Police, made a report, he was investigated, received rape counseling, took my pain to paper, and sprinted every day after the initial anti-depressants were done.
20. What else do you think you could do for your healing concerning this experience? He has been disbarred so that gives me great relief that he won’t do this to another woman while on the job. I volunteer as much as I can.
21. Is there anything else you would like to say? I endured tremendous loneliness after this happened. I couldn’t tell my husband. When I was doing better, I told him, and he blamed and shamed me for what happened. Things were never the same between us.
Woman Survivor No. 4 (Teacher/Man)
1. What sex was the predator you had this experience with? All of them were male.
2. How old were you when you had this experience? The first time? 17
3. Was the predator’s behavior social, vocational, repetitional, financial, or sexual? Sexual. He propositioned me to be his mistress citing he was having marital problems. He was an English teacher in his 60s and I was 17.
4. Describe some of the qualities or behaviors this predator had and used while preying on you? He was my English teacher. A trusted position. A faculty member. He would assign assignments that I later realized were emotionally intimate and resulted in me lowering my guard and creating a bond, etc.
5. Did this predator earn your trust? If so, how did s/he do it? Yes. Please see above answer.
6. While this predator earned your trust, how did s/he dupe you into his/her plan? I didn’t have the best relationship with my parents and family. I was starving for attention and emotional support.
7. When did you begin to become aware that this predator is not who s/he presented him/herself to be? After receiving the proposition and sharing the experience with trusted friends my own age. One encouraged me to tell someone. Another escorted me on my next and final visit.
8. When did you begin to maneuver and change your habits and communication with the predator? As soon as I realized what was happening and after I reported it, I submitted all my assignments then never spoke with him again.
9. Did this predator manipulate and gain private, sensitive, and embarrassing information about you (breaking your confidence) and attempt to use it against you to continue the friendship or relationship? In this case, in a way, yes. All my writing assignments led to very private, intimate conversations.
10. Was the predator a trusted family member, mentor, leader, or teacher in your life and community? He was my English teacher.
11. Did the predator seem too perfect? He exuded confidence and trust.
12. Was the predator very attentive and charming or sweet? He was attentive and too forthcoming.
13. Most predators blend well, unsuspecting. Did the predator blend or was s/he creepy or scary? He was a man in his 60s/70s. I would say yes. You wouldn’t think he was a predator.
14. Did the predator boast about other preying conquests to you or others? No, thank goodness.
15. Was the predatory cunning or highly intelligent – emotionally and/or cognitively? Highly intelligent, emotionally for sure.
16. Did it seem like the predator had a conscience? No. I got the impression that he felt his actions were absolutely normal and justified.
17. Did the predator act like, present him/herself, believe or even say s/he was unique and special? Not that I can recall.
18. How did you save yourself if you were able to? I actually kept this incident from my parents even though I was a minor when it happened. I reached out to the counselor of a continuation school I attended, and she instructed me from there. It helped talking about all the details and I recorded it. I gave the recording to the counselor who forwarded it to the DA.
19. What have you done since this experience that has helped with the trauma of being hunted? I received training in being an Advocate and Crisis Counselor for survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence. I try to listen more and be a supportive presence for those in need.
20. What else do you think you could do for your healing concerning this experience? Share the story. Listen. Believe. Support. Refrain from judging, shaming, projecting, advising (especially if you don’t have training and/or have never been on the receiving end).
Male Survivor No. 2 (Significant Other/Woman)
1. What sex was the predator you had this experience with? Female.
2. How old were you when you had this experience? 35-45.
3. Was the predator’s behavior social, vocational, repetitional, financial, or sexual? Emotional & financial.
4. Describe some of the qualities or behaviors this predator had and used while preying on you? Used many back and forward, “techniques” to keep me at her bay. It was a “roller coaster effect”. one moment she was the, “damsel in distress” and I was the, “knight in shining armor” and the next she would belittle me and say I wasn’t a, “real man” if I didn’t take care of her. That’s what real men do is take care of their women. From this the “guilt trip” came in and I felt obligated to help.
5. Did this predator earn your trust? If so, how did s/he do it? Yes. By constant passive/aggressive, pull me in, then push me away so I’d be constantly trying to win her approval. Bringing down my self-esteem and confidence.
6. While this predator earned your trust, how did s/he dupe you into his/her plan? By telling me how her family was in another country and she was all alone. She had nowhere to live, had lost her job and was out of money.
7. When did you begin to become aware that this predator is not who s/he presented him/herself to be? Still not sure that I’m totally aware that she is a predator.
8. When did you begin to maneuver and change your habits and communication with the predator? Didn’t have a choice. Family could have been in danger.
9. Did this predator manipulate and gain private, sensitive, and embarrassing information about you (breaking your confidence) and attempt to use it against you to continue the friendship or relationship? No.
10. Was the predator a trusted family member, mentor, leader, or teacher in your life and community? No.
11. Did the predator seem too perfect? Looking back now, yes.
12. Was the predator very attentive and charming or sweet? Sometimes and sometimes mean and cruel depending on what she wanted.
13. Most predators blend well, unsuspecting. Did the predator blend or was s/he creepy or scary? Blended into every situation perfectly. Whether it was family, friends or at my work.
14. Did the predator boast about other preying conquests to you or others? No.
15. Was the predatory cunning or highly intelligent – emotionally and/or cognitively? She was highly intelligent both emotionally and cognitively.
16. Did it seem like the predator had a conscience? Definitely not.
17. Did the predator act like, present him/herself, believe or even say s/he was unique and special? Yes. She was the lonely girl from another country who had no one to help her.
18. How did you save yourself if you were able to? Still trying to do so.
19. What have you done since this experience that has helped with the trauma of being hunted? Psychotherapy (2 therapists), support group, hypnotherapy, meditation, deep breathing, Chi Gung, Tai Chi, Yoga, Martial Arts, working out (resistance & cardio training), reading the bible, reading self-help books, praying.
20. What else do you think you could do for your healing concerning this experience? Honestly don’t know except walk on.
Woman Survivor No. 5 (Classmate/Presented as a Man)
1. What sex was the predator you had this experience with? Presented as male was XYZ.
2. How old were you when you had this experience? 16.
3. Was the predator’s behavior social, vocational, repetitional, financial, or sexual? Social. Reputational.
4. Describe some of the qualities or behaviors this predator had and used while preying on you? Overly friendly, inquisitive, gaslighting, cunning steps like in a game of chess pushed for fear of missing out. Called me afraid.
5. Did this predator earn your trust? If so, how did s/he do it? He said he had the same teachers just different sections. He repeatedly sat next to my group of friends at student union.
6. While this predator earned your trust, how did s/he dupe you into his/her plan? Manipulated me toward a desire to see someone and lied that he set up a lunch meeting with this individual. When his plan was to kill me.
7. When did you begin to become aware that this predator is not who s/he presented him/herself to be? Only when I refused to drive to the meeting in his car.
8. When did you begin to maneuver and change your habits and communication with the predator? When he tried to shove me into his car. He tried to pick me up, I dropped to the ground and started kicking at him. His hands picked me up and I grabbed the stair rail and locked my elbow around it while screaming. He punched me, trying to break my grip but I held on and he fled as people came into sight.
9. Did this predator manipulate and gain private, sensitive, and embarrassing information about you (possibly breaking your confidence) and attempt to use it against you to continue the friendship or relationship? He had used a secret that I was a lesbian to set up the ploy of meeting with a hot woman.
10. Was the predator a trusted family member, mentor, leader, or teacher in your life and community? No.
11. Did the predator seem to be too perfect? No.
12. Was the predator very attentive and charming or sweet? Yes.
13. Most predators blend well, they are unsuspecting. Did the predator blend or was s/he creepy or scary? Blended.
14. Did the predator boast about other preying conquests to you or others? Yes.
15. Was the predatory cunning or highly intelligent – emotionally and/or cognitively? The serial killer was very bright and talkative cognitively had no quips to break up creepy moments emotional he seemed stunted by when arguing the devil’s advocate not so much. He was comfortably delighted even talking about his crimes as the devil advocate in the group of grad level psychologists before he was caught.
16. Did it seem like the predator had a conscience? No, pure evil once unleashed.
17. Did the predator act like, present him/herself, believe or even say s/he was unique and special? “Lion among sheep” society rules don’t apply to those brave enough to break them.
18. How did you save yourself if you were able to? I held onto that metal stair rail for dear life and kicked aiming for his balls and face. With my entire strength knowing then that he was the rapist and murderer in the news.
19. What have you done since this experience that has helped with the trauma of being hunted? I don’t leave a drink and come back to it in public. So protective habits, no set patterns. I quit school/job moved away from that area. I watched Bobby Joe Longs execution procedure on TV. I do not ever have yard sales or classified ads placed. Do not publish phone numbers. The second killer interaction bought a gun trained. Helped the cops catch him. The third stalking killer entered was a neighbor entering a neighbor’s house and she shot him dead. I never doubt my paranoia. I send the evil now a mile away.
20. What else do you think you could do for your healing concerning this experience? I should be more proactive in breaking down the misogyny in the cops to those reporting this shit. I was treated like a hysterical female when I was a tough as nails person event then. Not one officer apologized for laughing it off after the perp was shot in the act days after the third hunter. I could probably work on my Cassandra complex, but in reality, it is misogyny directed toward any woman. If women only knew how much men hate them in general. I work in small ways to help women see their Stockholm Syndrome.
21. Is there anything else you would like to say? The male pattern is different than say the female serial Wornoes that I bumped into at faces and other dive lesbian bars in central Florida. Hers was not the entitlement of killing, but a warped you will pay IF you cross that line into being wrong. I used to hand with newbie lawyers drumming up business and go to the mob-owned and only lesbian bar in town in my 20’s. Not smart but I got an education that my lily-white bread self wouldn’t have gotten.
The Circle of Life
The Circle of Life is symbolic for birth, survival, and death. To me, this also means our self-evolution. With this in mind and spirit,let us vow to make it difficult for predators. Let us be cunning and strategic. Like in the animal kingdom, let us evolve for every stage of this predatory experience, namely by avoiding detection, startling the predator, warding off attack, distraction, fighting back, defensive structures, or escaping when we realize we have been ensnared.
I hope this writing has helped you to evolve a little, at least give you things to really think about. In the end, we all lose – the predator, the prey, those loved ones that are collateral damage as mourners. This predator-prey dance impacts everyone. When you realize that you have involuntarily been deemed as prey, I hope you will surprise and strategically snare the predator. Let it be known that you will not be hunted. #notprey.
“The way to reason with a predator is to make it aware that it can live in a cage, or it can die, but it can no longer prey upon us.”
– Massad Ayoob
“Lions are born knowing they are predators. Antelopes understand they are the prey. Humans are one of the few creatures on Earth given a choice.”
– Patrick H.T. Doyle
“If we act like prey, they’ll act like predators.”
– Alyxandra Harvey
“Coming up the way I did
You had 20 eyes in your head
Shut all windows, lock the door
So no one could get to you anymore.
20 eyes I’ve had to have
To make sure that nothing bad
Would occur like it did before
When he came sneaking through my door.
He violated me when he shouldn’t have Didn’t know how to tell Mom and Dad I thought of it, to walk down the hall To tell them he did it, to say it all.
But I learned to fight back, I learned to protect So I was ready to stop them if I dare reject: The advances
The plots
The moves
The whole lot
Had to keep running, I couldn’t get caught.
Over the years I’ve lost my eyes
As I’ve learned to deal with the girls and guys Creeping and stalking, like tigers they prey Leering and leching even to this day.
Now the eyes are only four
Don’t need the other 16 anymore
I’ve got two in the front and two in the back And if they fuck with me I will more than attack.
Be your own Hero!”
– H Trudnich
Dr. Kumu Michelle Manu 